Too Many Words

“So, I’ve made Isaiah 30:15 my verse for the year.” ‘In repentance and rest is your salvation. In quietness and trust is your strength.’ I’m learning to be quiet and not offer my opinion when asked.” I looked at my adult son, Micah as he shoveled homemade salsa into his mouth.

“How long have you been doing that?”

“Eight months.”

He stopped mid-chip. “You’re kidding?”

So much for Scriptural application.

Just the day before, Mom’s caregiver was a no-show so I was caregiver of the day. I plastered a smile on my face and said cheerful words. By evening, I was worn out. I fell asleep before I administered Mom’s 10PM pills. Rousing, I took them in to her.

She wasn’t sure where she was and headed the wrong way to the bathroom. Again.

I turned her the correct way. “The bathroom is this way, Mom,” I said with teeth clenched.

She looked at me. “Hey, you’re kind of smart with me sometimes.”

So Sunday, when I heard a message about the words that we say, I was devastated.

I don’t know when I’ve ever been more convicted and sorrowful for my sin. My pastor taught on Matthew 12:33-37. The words Jesus spoke in verses 36-37 are the ones that sliced my soul:

“But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted and by your words you will be condemned.”

David Brady went on to say some believe sound waves may never disappear. “Think about that. Your words and my words never going away. Be careful with your words. Especially you parents. A parent might say something to their child when they are six or seven years old. Maybe they were angry and said something like, ‘You’ll never amount to anything!’ They forget about it, but their child carries those words with them the rest of their lives. Your words are weighty.”

I couldn’t stop crying. All my careless words spoken out of irritability, pride, selfishness, exhaustion–all still floating around. More than that, all known by my Savior.

I left early and went to the car. I knew my words had to change. Less of them. More value to them.

I texted my son and daughter my apologies for hurtful words I’d said to them in the past. I couldn’t talk to them on the phone because I couldn’t talk.

I sat on the edge of Mom’s bed.

“Last night, I was tired and you said I was mean to you, Mom. I’m sorry.”

Her face softened. “You can’t help what you say when you’re tired, Pauline.”

“Yes I can, Mom. I don’t want to speak to you like that again. I’m sorry. Please forgive me.”

All is forgiven. Probably not forgotten.

But, it’s a start.


One Comment on "Too Many Words"

  1. Lucia Rider says:

    Me too. And James 3:5-10 is not very comforting either.

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