Don’t you just hate the way God answers prayers sometimes?
Just because I’m praying to be more of a servant doesn’t really mean I want to be more of a servant.
At least, that’s what I’m finding out. Praying for holiness isn’t the same as actually being holy. And no, I don’t mean by works, I mean by practice.
You see, my desire is to be more like Christ but my flesh is weak.
Take yesterday for instance. Because in the Tar Heel State when it snows more than an inch, it’s an emergency, I’ve been shut in for almost two weeks. Sure, I’ve been to the store and a few other errands, but our society as we know it took a two week break. Schools included.
Mom’s caregivers have come most of the time, but there’ve been times when it’s been just me. And Mom. And Tom. (Do you feel the tension?)
So yesterday, when Mom called for the fifth time after going in several times, I told her I couldn’t come every time she called.
She cried. So did I.
It spilled over into today. I called my sister. We both cried.
Caring for a parent in your home is tough. Being the one cared for is tougher.
I can see that and sometimes that makes it harder for me when I look at my mother, because I see me in a few decades.
So after I cried in my room and to my sister, my mom called me in.
“Sorry I called you in and made you,” great sniffling, blowing of nose, wiping of chin, “feel bad.”
“I’m sorry too Mom.” More crying and nose-blowing on my part. “I sometimes just need time to myself so I don’t go crazy.”
There were other words said and tears wiped. Then Tom prayed.
Knowing there is a God Who cares and gives me strength when I need it and joy when there is none is comforting.
Most people would say I’m a servant. I know better. The Lord knows better. Yet, it’s my prayer.
I know my blogs are usually short, but I have to add a few more lines.
I’ve been studying the Exodus. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, God does not take kindly to complaining. And that’s what I’ve been doing and I’m ashamed.
Because God’s Word teaches that He has me right where He wants me and I need to be content.
And really, my deepest heart desire is to want what He wants.
So it’s back to boot camp.
As Gibbs would say–Hoorah!